Something Personal

I was going to post an article on the recent upset in our little community that's been going around, give my two cents on the subject, not that I really had anything new to say or different from anyone else who weighed in on the topic. And the subject has been exhausted at this point, but I was ready to anyway. I had the article written up and I even rewrote it twice just to make sure it conveyed exactly what I meant to say, because people have a way of turning words around so that it seems like a personal attack when that's not at all how you meant it.

Then my Grandmother died. For a large portion of my childhood, she and my grandfather took care of my sisters and I, so it's like losing a parent. My grandfather, her husband, just died a few months ago and that heartache is still fresh. The thing that seemed important to say, wasn't anymore. So I will say this instead:

She could be such a stubborn woman (And I say that with affection now, even if it did drive me crazy from time to time throughout my life). It wasn' t the stubborn times that I remembered upon getting that phone call, telling me she had passed on. My immediate thought was how she sat down and took the time to show me how to use a crochet hook and read a pattern. I was seven years old at the time. I have a master's degree in teaching and I can tell you it took incredible patience for her to teach all that to a seven year old. Thirty-four years later and I still know how to crochet. I taught my own daughter as a matter of fact.

I would spend hours with her in the kitchen, making pies and cookies. She showed me how to use a knife safely and how to make the best potato salad, so good, even my son will eat it and he doesn't like potato salad. I cook with my own family almost every evening now. It's become our thing and I can't think of a better way to honor the woman that took the time to teach me so many things in the kitchen.

You see, my parents divorced when I was very young, five years only when the divorce was finalized. I think, for some kids who come from the same type of background as I did, some things get lost along the way and how to be successful in a romantic relationship is one of them. My grandparents were married for over sixty years and set an example of how to be in an imperfect relationship. If you've ever had even one small argument over something stupid with your partner in life, then you know what I'm talking about. A perfectly imperfect relationship is the best thing we can hope for in life. It's the person that argues with you about having green beans for dinner again, but will still eat them because you cooked them.

I learned a long time ago that death is an inevitability, a certainty for all of us. In the end, it's about the love she shared with me and my sisters. It's about the love she had for my grandfather. It's about the love she had for her children, my mother and uncle. It's about the love I pass on to the people in my life.

So instead of writing an article about the latest upset, I'm going to crochet something (I'll post pictures). I'm going to make cookies for my dad, because there's this one I make that he likes (I'll post the recipe), and I'm going to drink coffee with him sometime soon. I'm going to make dinner with my husband and kids, and I'm going to eat the damn green beans if we make them. I'm going to get excited with Bronwyn about our latest project we're working on together  (I'll post about it) and I'm going to go shopping with Amy. I'm going to do these things instead, because arguing isn't something I want to give my time too. I don't even remember what it is I wanted to say in the first place. All I can think about is holding the people I love just a little bit tighter and hoping it's enough.