Bronwyn's Interlude - WIP
This is from April Kelley and my co-author, we should be seeing this around February. So enjoy this little snippet.
“Shit man,” Not Scott’s voice broken into his world. Broken his down a little more, crumbling him into the bed that just appeared under him.
Arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in, moving his world just a tad more, making it nearly impossible for him to remain sain.
Why didn’t he come back to him? Why did he let Johan walk out and not follow? Was Johan that horrible to be with that he wasn’t worth being with, if it was only him. Did he have to be with other people just to deal with Johan’s crap?
He never thought he was perfect but he thought he was worth something.
Scott taught him, right. Showed him what he was worth what every other person Johan had been with was telling him.
His mother was right. He wasn’t worthy of anything but being there bitch. Wasn’t just a worthless as his own father in her eyes, worse though because at least his dad had something right, he’d left.
Everyone always left him. They’d all left him to deal with him everything alone.
He wasn’t that strong.
He wasn’t strong at all, why couldn’t the world see that. Why couldn’t the people he loved see he was a little boy trapped in an adult’s body being constantly chanced after by monsters? Why didn’t he deserve a knight in shining armour to vanquish all that haunted him and then stay by his side to make sure none came back.
Why couldn’t anyone love him in a way that songs sang and movies portrayed?
What did he have to do to get someone to love him enough to stay?
Johan’s chest and stomach hurt as he gulped in breath after breath. Words moved around him trying to convey something Johan wasn’t sober enough to even think of acknowledging.
He wasn’t loveable, that was something he had to accept.
“No!” the words screamed at him, shaking him, waking him up slightly, even if he couldn’t open his eyes, even if the darkness took over.
His chest shuttered in on itself, a hiccup of tears logged time in his throat, coming out in a painful gasp.
“You are everything in the world. The best, most vibrant things there is. I’m not good enough for you. No one is.”
“Scott is,” the half sob splattered the words out into the world. Scott was worthy of whoever he wanted, Johan just hated that he wasn’t the good enough. Wasn’t worthy enough to have realised that. To have just let the man do what he wanted, at least that way they’d have still been together. At least that way he’d have had some contact. Been able to live in a small part of the brightness Scott brought into the world.
“I’m not,” the Not Scott said. Sounding as sad as Johan felt. “But I’m going to prove to you that I can be.”
The words whispered in the wind, against a breeze that didn’t exist as the alcohol pulled him under the warm blankets of sleep.
Johan was pretty sure he imagined feeling the brush of a soft kiss Scott gave to his Johan’s forehead. He smiled and snuggled into the comforter.
At least tonight he’d sleep well, not only for the alcohol running through his veins but the fact that he’d had the soft smell of Scott surrounding him once more.
Johan just hoped tomorrow would be a better day, thought he doubted it, as he was still unemployed and he had his sister’s wedding to go to.
Now you’ve finished with me come see what April’s got over on my blog